I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
The workshop on procrastination has been cancelled, as no-one got around to enrolling.
Anyone who visits a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
We never make misteaks.
87.5% of all statistics are made up.
Here, take this placebo.
The technical term for "being unable to remember the word you want" is, uh ...
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't.
The two rules for success are:
Never tell them everything you know.
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.
We Poms hate being called whingers.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
There should be a rule that we don't talk about politics.
I'm trying to be less self-deprecating, but I really suck at it.
A few more complex newer ones
What is the origin of the word "draconian"?
The ancient Greek lawgiver Draco enforced severe penalties on people too lazy to look up dictionaries.
Theorem: Consider the set of all sets that have never been considered.
Hey! They're all gone!! Oh well, never mind ...
[From David Batchelor; ref]
Recursive loop: See recursive loop.
[from Borland Pascal with Objects 7.0: Language Guide (1992);
My brilliant and beautiful wife without whom I would be
nothing. She always comforts and consoles, never complains
or interferes, asks nothing and endures all, and writes my
[A.P. Malvino, Electronic Principles (1993);
One of the contenders from the California State University's Bulwer-Lytton
contest, for an opening sentence to rival B-L's classic "It was a dark
and stormy night":
"With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned,
unblemished oval face framed with lustrous think brown hair, deep
azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that
vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty
that defied description."
A logician saves the life of a tiny space alien.
The alien is very grateful and, since she's omniscient, offers the following reward: she offers to answer any question the logician might pose. Without too much thought (after all, he's a logician), he asks: "What is the best question to ask and what is the correct answer to that question?" The tiny alien pauses. Finally she replies, "The best question is the one you just asked; and the correct answer is the one I gave."
[contributed by Rich Hilliard]
Is this a self-reference joke?:
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
[E.W Nye, quoted in Mark Twain's autobiography]
"I never make predictions. I never have and I never will."
[Attributed to Tony Blair (correctly?)]